Today, I was reminded again of my class label of "best writer". It was given to me when I received some praise on a short story I wrote in the beginning of the year. It was kind of a class joke, although it isn't that funny anymore. Worst part is, I thought I had finally shaken the label.
Because when people think I'm a good writer they ask to see my work.
I don't want to show them my work.
It's true I have written dozens of short stories and poems, 3 fanfictions and a novella but only a fraction of those have been deemed appropriate to go off into the world. And even those I don't really want to share, I'm forced to for a passing ELA grade. But what is it about my stories that makes me so afraid to let others read them?
Let me explain it in a metaphorical sense. My writings are my kids. Would you shove your kids out into the world randomly, even when they're not ready? Would you leave them to fend for themselves? I don't know much about parenting but I do know it's best not to ship someone out until they're mature enough.
And you may ask, "Knowing your mentality Sophia, would the stories ever be ready?"
I can't say I know the answer to that. Some of my poems may never meet the mark. Some of my stories may just be a little too boring but I'm slowly easing into the mindset of a writer. It's hard but occasionally I'll share a story.
But I'm also afraid that people will hate my work.
That ghost story I wrote? Too choppy. The play? The dialogue was too unrealistic. What will people think after they finish reading something I wrote? What if they hate it? What if they hate me? I honestly want everyone to like my writing. I know that's not possible but I still want it. That's part of why I don't share. I don't want to be rejected. I've hardly ever been rejected before and I don't know how to cope.
So how does one improve not only their writing but their mindset too? I'm not sure. I guess I'll figure it out as I go along.
